2014 / Family / Sex / The MisAdventures of Calamity J!

The MisAdventures of Calamity J!–Pondering Perpetrators

So in my last post, I mentioned that I’m newly pregnant. This will be my first child and I am not sure if I ever really expected to be a mom. Furthermore, even when I envisioned motherhood somehow I managed to skip right past the whole pregnancy thing. It just never occurred to me that my future status as someone’s mother was linked to a long ass period of incubation wherein I would lose some control of my own body.angrypreggers

Don’t get me wrong, I am far from this baby “hatching” so to speak which I guess is why I have spent countless hours pondering the lies perpetuated by and perpetrated on womankind by other women. You see cute pregnant women rushing about all over the place. [They’ve got] full faces of make-up, cute dresses, yoga pants [and I’m] not gonna lie this is me some days. However, I have met women who say “oh I feel great!” “I don’t get morning sickness” “I just have weird cravings”…THEY ARE LYING!

I put on a full face of make-up and shave my legs to avoid looking how I feel…a consolation prize to my ever-changing body image as I stare in the mirror and realize I am looking a bit less like my “normal” self every day.

I know what you are thinking…pregnancy is not the same for everyone. And you may well be right! However, your uterus is expanding, your breasts are getting heavier, the smells of things you once reveled in, you now revile plus, walking or riding or standing still can feel like a rollercoaster ride, your body emits noxious gasses that you are/were sure were absolutely impossible from a human. And, somehow there are women out here spinning the pregnant and pristine fairytale. For which all naysayers look like Debbie-Downer-moms-to-be. Well, FUCK IT, I won’t just be a member I will be the Debbie-Downer-mom-to-be club president! It is hard for me to swallow that anyone is just having an amazing pregnant time!

A friend of mine called me today and asked, “How are you feeling?” I answered, “fine” and her loving retort “tired? glowing? energetic? you’re pregnant, I need daily details to ensure that you’re okay, I’m fine isn’t gonna cut it for me over the next few months.” My answer [was]:”Any pregnant woman that says she is glowing is an asshole!”

Ban the infidels! Tell the truth, shame the devil! The truth shall set you free and all that jazz…pregnancy is cool because the end result is a new life! The process can kinda suck, just admit it!

Until next time…
calamity j sig

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