The Storyteller Chronicles: Somewhere in Between Prayer and Meditation

I read an article last night that implied that atheists are more intelligent than “believers,” particularly Christians. As most atheists have advanced degrees, on one hand this may be true. As they ascend higher into the realm of academia people seem to check their faith at the door. Now, I am no blind follower of any faith, but I am a proud Christian. Mornings like this, when my eyes pop open and I can barely steady my breathing, I cannot fathom not having you, God—to talk to, confide in, ask for guidance.

Those people—intellectually superior atheists—must really have it all together. Who do they turn to in the middle of the night when the everyday stresses of life hasten their breathing and they have to remind themselves silently to take deep breaths? Perhaps they have figured it all out; this thing called life. So they don’t wake up questioning every single move they’ve made for the week and wondering what unexpected chickens will be coming home to roost today. At times like these, when I can’t catch my breath and my closest friends and family are fast asleep. When I can hear my heart beating out of my chest, I am certain there is God. If it wasn’t for you, Lord, I am not sure how I would have made it through this week. I am still not 100% positive how I am making it at all.

I seemingly have it together from the outside looking in. Things always look bigger from that angle. Moments like this one, I wish I had that lens. From the inside looking out, I am feeling crazy. Crazy overwhelmed crazy tired, crazy insecure and crazy scared. Lord, please put a hand. Help me to navigate these yet unsteady waters, to understand that all things are possible through you and to take it one step at a time drawing breath and strength from you with each single step.

I feel called to do the work that I do, but some days I cannot help but wonder if it is your will at all. Many believers say that if your purpose is anointed, the blessings just flow. Here is where I am teetering on the border of faith and works. Is the blessing just peace of mind—knowing that my work is a blessing unto others? Is it prosperity? If so, I may be actively failing. LOL! Is it in knowing that as I work toward my goals each day—falling short in some respects, but being nonetheless committed, that Galatians 6:9 (And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not) is true?

I am not sure of much, Lord, except that I need the warmth of your countenance wrapped around me as I make this journey. The world is cold and the blanket of my faith in you is all that separates me from those who are wrapped in despair. How could I possibly wear a cloak of “woe is me” when I have the blessing of faith? Knowing that there is a higher power than me and that you know and see all and will guide me through the dark into the light. This is my prayer.

The Storyteller Chronicles are a random collection of anonymous narratives told by the women who are usually charged with telling other women’s stories here on The Common Ground Chronicles. It is our way of giving you a glimpse of who we are and what makes us tick.  Check out the last chronicle, “The Storyteller Chronicles: 25 and Fly!” if you missed; and, scroll to the bottom of the page and click The Storyteller Chronicles tag to read all of the pieces in this series. We’ll be posting one a week from now on so be sure to check our Facebook page and follow us on Twitter @realcommongnd to stay in the loop on our posts.